In our recent article on Difficult Conversations they can be particularly challenging. People often generalize or assume details when being questioned. Fear not, help is at hand in this handy guide to the Precision Model to cut through the fog!
Understanding the Precision Model
When people speak and listen they use deletions, distortions, and generalizations when dealing with memories. It is a kind of shorthand for all the experiences we encounter on a day-by-day basis:-
* We delete detail when recounting that seems unimportant
* We distort to concentrate on what we believe to be important
* We generalize to keep descriptions from becoming excessive
This is where the Precision model comes into its own, it allows us to dig deeper into what might reveal more details that are critical. Using the Precision Model gives us key indicators in the language that people use, and gives us prompts that can unravel the puzzle. Its important to remain calm and non-aggressive when asking questions. Intimidating others is likely to shut down lines of communication or cause people to make up what they think you want to hear.
Steps to Use the Precision Model:
Before starting a Difficult Conversations you should plan what you want to get out of the conversation, try and imagine each scenario of what will be said, and prepare for questions or feedback accordingly, this is covered in more detail in the article about Difficult Conversations. Active listening is critical though, as people recount details listen to the language they use, and use our handy prompts as a guide to ask for more info.
Deletion statements
This is where specific info is missing:-
- I don’t like him/her! – What specifically don’t you like about him/her?
- I didn’t know – What didn’t you know?
- I don’t understand – Which part didn’t you understand?
Comparisons Statements
They use vague statements with words like more, less or better (without specifying what)
- “If i said what i feel it would be much worse” – “Worse in what way?”
- “I will do it better!” – “You will do what better?”
Verb Statements
This is a way of saying something which avoids how an action will occur, it doesn’t commit the speaker to anything specific
- “He is very difficult!” – “In what way is he difficult?”
- “I need to develop my skills” – “How specifically will you achieve this?”
- “I am ignored by….” – “What makes you feel ignored/How do they ignore you?”
Rule-based statements
Limits the person speaking and restricts what is or isn’t possible based on some belief. They will generally use words like must, need, should, have to, can’t, or impossible…
- “I must finish this before I leave!” – “What would happen if you didn’t?”
- “We have to do things this way!” – “What makes it necessary to do it like that?”
- “I can’t talk to my manager about this!” – “What prevents you from talking to them?”
General Statements
This is where people generalise to make something true outside of context. This can distort the reality, words to watch out for: all, every, never, always, no-one
- “It has always been this way” – “Always?”
- “No-one ever listens?” – “Do you have any examples?”
- “Everyone hates this job!” – “Everyone?”
Mind Reading
This is where people assume they know the intention or thoughts of others without a basis in fact, This can lead to resentment unnecessarily or misunderstandings.
- “I know they don’t like me!” – “How do you know this/What evidence do you have?”
- “I know what this is about, you are annoyed with the productivity!” – “How do you know this?”
Conclusion
We’ve covered a lot in this guide to Difficult Conversations using the Precision Model. Remember, talking about difficult subjects is a part of growing up. We all need to do this at some point in our personal or professional lives. With preparation, active listening, and key questioning you are on the way to developing super communication skills.
It’s important to know that getting better at talking is a skill, and it takes practice. The Precision Model is your trusty sidekick in making each conversation better than the last. With this guide in hand, you’re ready to face any Difficult Conversation that comes your way. So, go ahead, have those conversations, and watch how your super communication skills improve!
Pingback: Tough Talks: Learn How to manage Tricky Conversations - Light-Bytes