Difficult Conversations: Learn How to manage Tough Talks

Starting Difficult Conversations can be daunting, whether it is bad news or a difficult subject to talk about, unfortunately, this is a fact of life in the workplace. Difficult Conversations can be any number of things from discussing behavioral issues, or dealing with an everyday situation. As a manager, you may need to reprimand or give guidance for refocusing an individual. tough talks can also occur with senior managers, peers, or even customers. Adapting your style and approach will impact the flow and outcome.

Understanding the Dynamics

Difficult Conversations happen for various reasons and are a key part of managing people, Often these can occur out of the blue, without any warning. but generally, these situations happen when people have a difference of opinion or lack of knowledge. Understanding this is the first step to making these conversations flow easier.

Preparing for Difficult Conversations

Don’t jump straight into the conversation. Before sitting down to talk, do preparation. Going into a potentially volatile situation unprepared will only make things worse, and could reflect badly on you.

• What do you want from the conversation (what happened, and what should happen)
• What message do you need to get across (what is the difficult talking point)
• Empathise with the person (what do they want, what would they ask)
• Have the right mental state before the conversation (manage your emotions)
• What method will you use, how, and where, schedule a formal meeting if needed and ask/offer support from HR or a third party if required
• Be ready to listen and answer questions or objections (historical precedence in the situation?)
• Check their understanding
• Document the discussion, and any follow-up actions (ensure you follow up)

Right Time and Place

Find a quiet time and a comfortable place where you both can talk. Turn off distractions like mobile phones. If the topic is particularly sensitive find a quiet room somewhere, where you can talk in private.

Ten Tips to Stay Calm during Difficult Conversations

It’s okay to feel emotional, but try to stay calm. Keeping your cool helps the conversation stay positive. You don’t want to escalate an already difficult situation. Staying calm before a tough talk is crucial for effective communication. Here are ten tips:-

1. Deep Breaths: Take slow, deep breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose and exhale through your mouth. This helps calm your body and mind.
2. Count to Ten: Count to ten slowly in your head. This gives you a moment to think before speaking and helps prevent saying things you might regret.
3. Positive Thoughts: Think about something positive or a happy memory. Focusing on the good things can help you approach the conversation with a more positive mindset.
4. Visualize Success: Imagine the conversation going well. this can help you feel more confident.
5. Take a Short Walk: Fresh air and movement can help reduce stress and clear your mind
6. Listen to Calming Music: Listen to your favorite calming music for a few minutes.
7. Positive Affirmations: Saying positive affirmations to yourself to boost your confidence.
8. Stretch Your Body: Stretching can release tension. Roll your shoulders or stretch your arms to help relax your body.
9. Write Down Your Feelings: Write down your thoughts. It can help organize what you want to say.
10. Seed support: Talk to someone you trust about your feelings before the tough conversation. If you have a HR department they will be happy to assist.

Remember, everyone gets nervous before tough talks, and it’s okay to feel that way. These simple strategies can make it easier to stay calm and focused during challenging conversations.

The Opening Statement

Perhaps the toughest part of the talk is breaking the ice and opening up the conversation. Avoid being accusing when questioning someone, Instead of saying “you always” or “you never,” say how you feel using “I” statements. For example, “I feel upset when…” use the DEFICIT method to assist you in structuring the opening conversation,

• Describe – What is the problem [There have been a number of recent unauthorized absences]
• Evidence – Give an example of the problem [There have been three instances of absence in recent weeks]
• Feelings – How does this make you personally feel [I am concerned there may be an underlying issue]
• Implications – What is at stake if it continues [Continued absence puts strain on the whole team and our department]
• Contribution – What part do you have to play [As your manager I am responsible for managing your attendance]
• Intension – What do you want to do [I would like to go through our absence policy and ensure you understand what I need from you]
• Thoughts – Let them have their say [What are your thoughts, is there anything you need to tell me?]

Active Listening

In the article about active listening, we discussed how the key to every conversation is listening to what others are saying. Give them a chance to speak their mind without judging and understand their viewpoint. This makes the conversation better for all involved and will make people feel included. When people talk what they say can be generalized or assumed. Understanding this is a key part of the dialogue, use the precision model when asking questions.

Record the Conversation

Take notes during the conversation, this will come in handy later, especially if there are follow-up actions or escalations. Where possible if the meeting is formal, ensure there is a dedicated note-taker other than yourself so you can focus on the conversation. These notes need to detail when and where the meeting took place, who was present, what was said, and any follow-up actions (and when by).

Find Common Ground and Knowing How to Say No

Finding common ground builds a connection between parties and is an easy solution to a tough problem, but sometimes this is not possible. Learning when and how to say no is another area managers tend to struggle with. You need to be able to give a negative response in a way that does not impact you, check out this article about saying no for further tips.

Be Open to Feedback

Be ready to hear feedback on what the other person thinks, even if it’s different from your view. Be open to changing your mind—it’s a part of learning and growing. Remember to keep any notes taken during these meetings, and offer all parties a copy of the notes taken.

Know When to Seek Resolution

Not every talk will end with an agreement, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the goal is to understand each other. Resolution often comes later and sometimes involves compromise.

Follow-Up

After the conversation, check in with the person. Monitor the situation to ensure no further problems have occurred, and schedule a meeting if necessary to discuss. This keeps the communication going and helps build a stronger connection. Always ensure that you do follow up and take action when you say.

Conclusion

Mastering Difficult Conversations is vital for personal and professional growth. Learning these skills will help you become a better manager and make tough talks much easier.